Josef Hader - HADER ON ICE

HADER ON ICE

"There's always something. Either my feet fall asleep. Or they itch. Then I can't catch my breath when I walk faster. Or I break out in a sweat. Then I'm freezing again. The food doesn't taste like anything anymore, sex is boring, the trousers are too tight. What is going on? - It must be all this climate change, right? Summer temperatures like the tropics! And suddenly these enormous insects! They didn't used to exist! When they sting you, you get a swelling that won't go away for months! They're probably all genetically modified. And the plants! They're going crazy too. They're out of control, these plants! Everything's getting overgrown! Ever since I stopped leaving the house. My theory is that the plants want to take back control of the planet. They're all connected underground through their roots. Worldwide! The plants have a secret plan. They want the total destruction of Western culture and Austrian folk rock'n'roll. All of that is to be replaced by, uh, photosynthesis."